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The biggest hits, misses and WTF moments of 2017

Let’s hail the heroes and the zeroes as we look back over the past 12 months


As we wave a perfumed hankie to the dying embers of 2017, the time has come to hand out the annual awards.

With terrorist atrocities, Grenfell Tower, Brexit, Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, cyber attacks and dodgy deals made to prop up a weak government, it hasn’t exactly been a barrel of laughs.

In fact, it was best summed up by a Finnish word I stumbled across: Kalsarikännit. Which means “getting drunk at home while wearing only underwear”.

Which, if we’re honest, is what most of us felt like doing in 2017.

But there’s still been laughter, as well as triumphs, so let’s hail the heroes and the zeroes...

BEST LAUGH

Remember when UKIP leader Paul Nuttall compared himself to Gandhi? (Image: PA)


We chortled when the hapless UKIP leader Paul Nuttall compared himself to Gandhi and we smirked when Bake Off judge Prue Leith tweeted congratulations to the show’s winner eight hours before it was aired.

But nothing made this columnist howl louder than David Beckham’s safely nurtured angelic image being shattered after leaked emails showed he’d grovelled around the Queen angling for a knighthood, slagged off Katherine Jenkins for being ahead of him in the queue and called the Honours Committee a “bunch of c***s” for overlooking him.

David Beckham's image was shattered when his emails got leaked (Image: Getty)

BEST MAN

George Clooney wins 'Best Man' (Image: Getty)


Honourable mentions go to Kim Jong Un for repeatedly getting under Donald Trump’s orange skin and Jeremy Corbyn who made his critics look foolish by leaving the Tories with no overall majority and having almost everyone under 30 sing his name.

Jermaine Defoe was constant in his emotional support for the dying child Bradley Lowery.

But the winner is George Clooney after we heard that he had given 14 of his mates a million dollars each for helping him when he had nothing. Plus everyone on the American Right continued to detest him.

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BEST PHOTO

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Taking bronze is Theresa May doing an arms-aloft, stand-up Mexican Wave in a Paris football stadium, while all around her had sat down.

Collecting silver is May again, for the shot of all those letters falling off the Tory Conference backdrop as she gave a catastrophic speech.

But the winner, for summing up in one image the very essence of Britishness in the face of adversity, was the Scouser pictured running away from the London Bridge terror attack, still clutching his half-drunk pint, and not spilling a drop. How could you not feel proud?

One man runs from the London Bridge terror attack - while still carrying his pint of beer
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BEST QUOTE

Aristocrat’s daughter Samantha Cameron said she “didn’t have disposable income after childcare and mortgage etc.” and Joan Collins bemoaned the fact “I don’t have what you would call eff-you money.”

Not to be left out, Nigel Farage who owns a £4million Chelsea townhouse said he was “skint because there’s no money in politics”.

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But for being bang on the money in summing herself up, the winner had to be Theresa May telling us the naughtiest thing she’d ever done.

“Oh goodness me. Well, I suppose. Gosh. I have to confess,when me and my friend used to run through the fields of wheat, the farmers weren’t too pleased about that.”

BEST WOMAN

Dame Helen Mirren got real about the face cream she is paid to advertise (Image: WireImage)


Emily Thornberry makes the list for constantly savaging Boris Johnson in style, especially when she said he should go on Jeremy Kyle.

Anna Soubry takes runner-up for doing what she believed right over Brexit then standing up to the social media lynch mob and calling out their puppet-masters in the right-wing Press.

But the winner, not for the first time, is the magnificent Helen Mirren for admitting that the expensive L’Oreal moisturiser cream she was being paid to be the face of “probably does f**k all”.

BEST WTF?

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La La Land sweeping Oscars board. Why? University Challenge contestant Eric Monkman becoming a sex symbol. Eh?

A show about baking cakes switching channels provoking national mourning. No? An entire “orangery” shipped from Belgium for Pippa Middleton’s “normal” wedding. You what?

George Osborne taking on a seventh job, as editor of the London Evening Standard? Unbelievable.

She just couldn't get her figures right, could poor Diane (Image: BBC)

But the one story that just didn’t add up at all was Shadow Home Secretary Diane Abbott claiming Labour would spend £300k recruiting 10,000 more police officers, thus paying them £30 each.

She “misspoke” apparently.

BIGGEST POLITICAL CHUMP

Boris Johnson, who after telling the EU they could “go whistle” for their hefty divorce bill, ended up with a £40billion humble pie shoved into his gob (Image: Sky News)

David Cameron showed off his new £25,000 shepherd’s hut which he uses to write his money-spinning memoirs in, while the country went into tailspin over his EU referendum.

Burma’s Aung San Suu Kyi went from being seen as Asia’s Mandela to a genocide facilitator.

David Davis became a laughing stock for saying he had 58 assessments of the Brexit impact before admitting he had, erm, none.

But the winner is the Buffoon’s Buffoon Boris Johnson, who after telling the EU they could “go whistle” for their hefty divorce bill as he was “pro having my cake and eating it” ended up with a £40billion humble pie shoved into his gob.

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MOST ANNOYING PHRASE

"I don't recognise her version of events" (Image: Getty)

A poll of Americans gave this award for the ninth year in a row to the shoulder-shrugging Millennials’ favourite “whatever.”

If that poll had been conducted over here, everyone who follows the news would surely have awarded it to “nothing is agreed until everything is agreed” for becoming the new “no deal is better than a bad deal.”

But, globally, there was a clear winner. The lily-livered, legalese defence used by every man from Harvey Weinstein to Damian Green accused of sexual harrassment in the workplace: “I don’t recognise her version of events.”

MOST TRUMP-LIKE TRUMP MOMENT

President Donald Trump claims he invented the word 'fake' (Image: Getty)

There truly are too many, truly. Up there had to be deciding he could single-handedly change the Israeli capital from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, responding to the devastating hurricane that hit Puerto Rico by tossing paper rolls at the locals, tweeting the word “covfefe” which didn’t make sense and retweeting British First’s Islamophobic videos, which made even less sense.

But nothing was more Trumpian than claiming he invented the word “fake” because it had never been used before he became President.

Which at least proved nobody had been honest with him about his hair or his tan.

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