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24 Tweets You'll Laugh At For No Real Reason

"Every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl."

1.

David Hughes @david8hughes

[son hands me a picture he painted]Me: what's thatSon: it's our houseMe [walks outside with son]: do you see how it absolutely isn't?

05:10 PM - 31 Aug 2017

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2.

z @deadsmayhem

can i get uuuuuh one unhappy meal

04:32 AM - 04 Sep 2017

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3.

Tami Cru @TamiCru

genie: please nomillipede: more legs

03:50 AM - 29 Aug 2017

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4.

Twitter: @vinnycrack

5.

punished boo @IDlOT_TEEN

This is the weirdest tom and jerry memorabilia I've ever seen. It's too minimalist it looks like it's from their we… https://t.co/XFMt8DMD2p

07:20 PM - 01 Sep 2017

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6.

Michael Erhart @MichaelJErhart

*Tucks shirt in*"Goodnight, shirt."

02:58 AM - 07 Aug 2014

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7.

Barnesy @3arnesy

Delivery guy: Could I use your toilet?Me: Yes sure it's the door under the stairs.Delivery guy: Which one?Me: Er… https://t.co/GOtRgbkxsd

01:20 PM - 27 Jul 2017

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8.

Twitter: @finah

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9.

Shawn Garrett @ShawnGarrett

I guess I'm not going to Target anymore

05:49 PM - 03 Sep 2017

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10.

PICTURE CATS @picturecats

When you're trying to summon a bat demon but there's a typo in your spell book

01:35 PM - 04 Sep 2017

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11.

kel ♡ @baddiekel

imagine having sex and he says "say my name baby" but his name is gilbert

04:11 AM - 01 Sep 2017

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12.

🍸 @oscarewilde

Bröther may i have a Töwel

04:04 PM - 07 Sep 2017

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13.

Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams

[blind date]HER: I'm a big country fanME {trying to impress her}: China is very large

01:04 AM - 04 Jul 2017

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14.

Kat @katlopez05

i failed at sneaking out

04:15 AM - 02 May 2016

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15.

dī(ə)ltōn @lilghosthands

every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl & neither of us thinks it's funny but that's showbiz baby

02:02 PM - 10 Sep 2017

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16.

wholesomecontentluvr @InternetUser8

Oh my god this guy in this bathroom wearing a cowboy hat just greeted me with a "howdy brother" and I panicked and I said "yee haw"

06:19 AM - 08 Sep 2017

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17.

🕸isabel ¨̮ @lSABABE

is this how shredded cheese is made

10:25 PM - 04 Feb 2017

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18.

john @sexhaver4200

just seen a sponge bob show on the tv. why the yellow man don't leave the octopus alone

04:18 AM - 06 Sep 2017

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19.

Stephanie Boland @stephanieboland

"I'd like you to paint me a cat.""A what?""A cat. You do know what a cat is, right? You've seen a cat?""Uh, yeah… https://t.co/RiTvmjM0Uy

09:49 AM - 03 May 2017

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20.

JordanBennett 🇬🇧 @j_bennett9

Fucking weird that if you wanna get to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping

11:06 PM - 15 Jul 2017

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21.

fat bully @ricardojkay

prank caller: is your refridgerator running ? me: how did you know i had a fridge

09:08 PM - 03 Aug 2017

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22.

Josh @iwearaonesie

*bangs toe**never calls toe again*

01:35 AM - 03 Aug 2017

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23.

Twitter: @finah

24.

tech fleece tormund @the_blueprint

really just spent two minutes like "why would you shame someone with tuna?"

08:12 PM - 28 Aug 2017

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