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21 Tweets You'll Only Find Funny If You Have A Weird Sense Of Humour

*Tucks shirt in* "Goodnight, shirt."


daisyowl @daisyowl

guys i've cracked the code

11:46 PM - 20 Aug 2017

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Rad Kyle @KyleMcDowell86

HER: Im breaking up with uME: Is it because I say "Uh Oh Spaghetti O's" when things go wrong?HER: YaME:(under breath) Uh Oh Spaghetti O's

12:08 AM - 10 Feb 2016

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Juan fan accou @FaceAhhAquarius

When that new house on the block got a fat ass basement

08:25 PM - 17 Aug 2017

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dī(ə)ltōn @lilghosthands

every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl & neither of us thinks it's funny but that's showbiz baby

02:02 PM - 10 Sep 2017

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Twitter: @darth


Taco La Flare @2TacShakur

What’s better than getting your girl some flowers.....

05:22 PM - 03 Sep 2017

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mean irene @ireenee_b

10 minutes Into conspiracy theories and chill, we start getting illuminaughty

04:02 AM - 25 Jul 2017

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Bea_ker @bea_ker

[in ambulance]"Can you describe the snake that bit you?"Yes it was like an angry rope

03:25 AM - 29 Nov 2014

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Twitter: @katlopez05


Chad Kroeber @ChadKroeber

Me: *tries to knock 1st kite out of tree using 2nd kite**gets 2nd kite stuck in tree*Genie: please don't w-Me: I wish for a third kite

08:46 PM - 17 Aug 2015

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Marf @MarfSalvador

Me: I need a doctor's appointmentReceptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?Me: No I don't need that many

12:42 PM - 01 Sep 2017

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🥑 @coolado_

not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information

05:28 AM - 10 Sep 2017

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yabkat @ohen39

wife: I am having an affairme: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well

12:27 PM - 20 Jul 2017

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Frank Whitehouse @WheelTod

[Funeral]Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?"Widow: "Please do"Me *clears throat: "Plethora!"Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."

02:01 PM - 03 Sep 2017

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raquel @polllarize

he proteche attacbut most importantlyhe the snac that smile bac

05:28 PM - 27 Aug 2017

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k e i t h 🐤🥔 @KeetPotato

[me giving a tour of pillow factory]guy: "what do you fill the pillows with?"me: [spotting a family of ducks in tour group] "just stuff"

08:13 PM - 02 Jul 2017

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Kibblesmith ⚔️ @kibblesmith

Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat adding sage.

03:31 PM - 06 Sep 2017

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Michael Erhart @MichaelJErhart

*Tucks shirt in*"Goodnight, shirt."

02:58 AM - 07 Aug 2014

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the dog band @meandmydog69

Me, absolutely twisted, coming home with a load of swords.Me waking up the next day with a room full of swords.

10:10 AM - 13 Sep 2016

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Ariel Dumas @ArielDumas

What Names are Short For:Tom - ThomasTim - ThimasJon - JonmasPhil - PhilmasDan - DanthanielRick - RicktoriaBob - Bobmas OR Bobbert

11:30 PM - 05 Aug 2017

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joey alison sayers @joeyalison

I fixed giraffes.

05:21 AM - 22 Aug 2017

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Life - Entertain

John le Carre, A Legacy of Spies, review: A satisfying close to the saga

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